Learning Your Love Language
When you're dating, you hit that point where you let your guard down entirely. You become vulnerable and share your true self- no matter how dorky/flawed/lovable that is. It's that time where your significant other realizes you're not perfect but loves you anyways. You figure out each other's quirks and what's most important to them.
Finding out each other's love language has been one of the most important things we've ever done as a couple. Just in time for Valentine's Day, I thought I'd share the story of a (seemingly insignificant) moment that changed the way we looked at our relationship.
Kyle and I were out to dinner on a date night in downtown Madison. Thanks to my job in social media, I'm pretty constantly connected. I am (or I should say.. was) constantly checking email and refreshing social media feeds. It had become a mindless activity that I didn't even notice I was doing. At one point during dinner, Kyle, who rarely gets angry unless warranted, asked me if I really needed to be on my phone.
We were at an amazing sushi restaurant and without realizing I'd spent a ton of time on my phone, even multi-tasking while having a conversation. I acted defensively and said, "it's my job"! Which is true to an extent, but not during a dinner date. In retrospect, this is so embarrassing, guys. I got upset, because I realized he was right. I had wasted this beautiful evening out and even worse, I made Kyle feel like technology was more important than him.
From that point on I vowed to be more intentional about the way I spent my time, especially when we're together. This was over two years ago, and Kyle knows how important disconnecting is to me now. I love social media, but, I love my husband more!
Later that week, I heard about the "5 Love Languages" Book and immediately made Kyle take the quiz. Determining your love language helps you figure out how you like to give and receive love. It's been a total gamechanger in our relationship, mostly because I have a different way I want to receive love than Kyle. It's helped us learn so much about each other as individuals and a couple.
The 5 Love Languages
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch
I learned that Kyle's love language is (not surprisingly) Quality Time. For him, there is no better way for me to show I care than to be totally present when we're together. While people being on their phone when we're out to dinner never bothered me - to him, it was hurtful. It explained so much and we've never had an argument about it again after I learned this. (Kyle's Note: It's true, taking time to disconnect, helps you connect more as a couple).
My love language is Physical Touch. Which explains why I want nothing more than a big hug as soon as he walks through the door after a long day of work. It helped him realize why I'd think he was mad if he didn't feel like snuggling up on the couch. I'm also tied with Words of Affirmation (guilty!). No surprise, I would 10 x rather get a spontaneous love note, than a bouquet of flowers. This entire blog is focused on simpler living, because we've realized how happy it makes us when we focus on what matters.
I geek out over love languages. I'm pretty sure I've made all of my friends and family take the quiz-- because I believe in it! We're less than a year into marriage and we have forever to go - but whether you're a single lady or been married for years-- knowing what's important to you in a relationship is awesome.
Sorry in advance for all of the warm fuzzies and sappiness today. If you've taken the quiz or you take it after reading our post, let us know what your love language is in the comments! Side note-- while not "official", my love language is also coffee and old farmhouses.